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Submitted on
August 16, 2009
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Because you could not stop for Death
I made sure he stopped for thee
The carnage held within ourselves
the immorality

I slowly drove the knife, grim taste
my victim put away
my killer's labor a pleasure too
stole his virility

I passed the fool whose children preyed
on him, wrestling for his ring
I slashed them, red haze of pain
I slashed, watched red blood run

I paused before a man who screamed
a wailing most profound
though it was scarcely audible
'neath his burial mound

Since put in penitentiary, I beseech
for mercy, as draws close the day
I realize I shall lose my head
with the executioner's glee






edit 1/23/10
copywrite 2009
-dave skowronek
This is a horror/black comedy version of a famous Emily Dickinson poem. She didn't title her poems . It is # 712
[link] to read the original.

I love her poetry and this came out of a debate w/ my bro about Ms. Dickinson's work. We started talking about how she seemed obsessed w/ Death. Jokes started flowing. Eric said close to the 1st line then I thought about those Jane Austin/ zombie horror mash-ups that are hot right now and a lightbulb went off. I tried as best I could to stay within the parameters of the classic and beautiful original. With my humble skill set this is my attempt. Comments very welcome.

edited and updated 1/23/10
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsedahliah:
SedahLiah Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2009   Writer
Your hard work is evident, this is a wonderful adaptation. There's an acerbic edge here that works very well. Bravo. :clap:
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:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2009
Hey thanks! You just made me smile after a rough day at work. Thanks for the fave, as well.
Reply
:iconsedahliah:
SedahLiah Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2009   Writer
No problem. :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconhisbeautifulletdown:
HisBeautifulLetdown Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2009
Twisted and awesome
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:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2009
Thanks!
Reply
:iconbluesilveruu:
BlueSilverUU Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
It's good to see people reading the classics and learning from them. Very cool!
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
Thank you. I have a tendency to be sponge- I absorb everything. It's a habit I picked up from being a musician. I'm into classic music and films, as well. You can always learn from a classic! Thanks for the feedback,also.
Reply
:iconcitysilence:
citysilence Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Ahaha, this is sooo her style.

Emily Dickinson was the first poet I ever encountered... in recent times I'd nigh forgotten. Thanks very much for the refresher.

I think you've nailed it, I really do. This is exactly her style.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Thank you for the high compliment! Seems like I did all right on this one.:) (I'm blushing)
Reply
:iconcitysilence:
citysilence Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Blush is cool, haha :)
Reply
:iconblunt-force-trauma:
blunt-force-trauma Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Haha. We studied Emily Dickinson this year in school, and I thought that poem was okay - for what it was anyway.

I like your version of it though. It made me smile. I like how you've written it in the same kinda 'voice' she used; "I watched the red blood run..."

(Yeah, I suck at commenting on writen work - but nice job =] )
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2009
Hey thanks! That was actually a good comment, by the way.:)
Reply
:iconjesusroxgirl:
jesusroxgirl Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
great job! i love the rhyme sceme :) excellent imagery
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009
Oh, thanks.The rhymes were based on Dickinson's pattern, though it was difficult and challenging to come up with new(and twisted) variations. The imagery was all me. Now that's scary! lol. Thanks for reading!
Reply
:iconjesusroxgirl:
jesusroxgirl Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
lol that's awesome!
Reply
:iconmirrorakay:
Mirrorakay Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
I like how you made your own poem but at the same time established a connection with Dickinson's poem. Excellent work! Also, great diction!
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Thank you! I read a lot of 'classic' literature, so I love to use all those 'old fashioned' turns of phrase.:) I'm glad that this poem worked for you, I had tons of fun writing it! It was kinda like a band covering a song, but putting their own spin on it.
Reply
:iconmirrorakay:
Mirrorakay Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
That gives your work a very unique flare in these times and also gives it that special feeling.
Reply
:icondaejien:
Daejien Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
It feels rather dark, nice job on it.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Thanks, I appreciate it!
Reply
:iconformlessforce:
Formlessforce Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Dickinson is a great writer :] So, it appears, are you. This is really good.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Wow, you are so kind! I'm nowhere near her level, though it feels quite good, to read this kind statement of yours.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2009
That is the vibe I was going for, so thanks! I really appreciate your kind remarks.
Reply
:iconiiixii:
IIIXII Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2009
Pretty comical and macabre at the same time. :D
The title is just brilliant.
Well done my friend. :D
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Thank you! Wow, I don't know what to say!
Reply
:iconiiixii:
IIIXII Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
lol, keep up your great work. :D
Reply
:iconxemmypuppy:
XemmyPuppy Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2009  Student General Artist
OMG XD That's horrible yet awesome at the same time. And the first two lines totally had me hooked already.

But, unfortunately, it doesn't always pay to be evil. (*quickly glances over his shoulder at the general direction of one of his friends, then turns away before they notice* *cough*...XD XD)
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:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2009
Ha, ha! Thanks, that's the best comment I've ever gotten! Seriously though, this poem was an experiment for me and it was incredibly fun to write.I'm thankful that it worked for you.
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